Wattpad escapades with One Direction

Hey everyone. Five years ago — when I was 21 and considering covering the sex and relationships beat — I had a Substack where I briefly pursued those stories. I’ve since deleted that newsletter, but over the years, I’ve had people ask me for a PDF or link to a story I did there about how One Direction fanfiction was some fans’ sexual awakening.

Today, I’m republishing the story because I think it fits nicely in the Tumblr series I’ve been doing.

On Thursday, I’m chatting with Rolling Stone’s Larisha Paul about her Tumblr experience as a part of my Dashboard Confessions series. Subscribe to the Yapper tier so you don’t miss it. 

This story was originally published in December 2020.

Tumblr truly felt like a magical place during the height of One Direction fandom. It was the early ‘10s, and a ton of teen girls (myself included) bonded over their love for these five boys, made gifs and photo edits, and wrote fanfiction. A strong, loyal community of Directioners grew out of a feverish obsession over the band. It felt like an accepting place, for the most part, which is not to say that the Directioners didn’t have their not-so-proud moments — bullying girlfriends and harassing members about alleged affairs (don’t even get me started, Larry shippers!) among them. However, the connections formed between mostly young women within the fandom served as a valuable source of companionship, with some friendships outlasting the life of the band itself. 

Reflecting on 1D Tumblr circa 2012-2014, I don’t think it’s unfair to say that the Directioners were an exceptionally horny fandom. Between the band member ships and erotic fanfictions with Y/N (Your Name), there were a lot of fans writing about sexual fantasies involving the boys. Fanfic writers were particularly good at capturing the desires and fantasies of their peers, and their stories became wildly popular on Tumblr and Wattpad. For many, it was their first manifestation of sexual desire. The stories became not only outlets for young women to express their love for their favorite band, but also explore their sexuality. 

Meghan, a 20-year-old Directioner and formerly-avid 1D fanfic reader, said that young women are often shamed for having sexual desires. She believes fanfiction was an outlet for girls, especially those going through puberty, to navigate their experiences with these feelings.

“I feel like because of this stigma, girls probably were like, where can I put all this sexual energy that I have? And they probably didn't even realize that they had it, so they just put it all into these five extremely hot guys, and just went a little crazy because they had so many deep issues with their sexuality that they didn't know what to do with. They're like, ‘I can channel it into this,’” she said.

For the past few years, the value and appeal of fanfiction has been increasingly covered in media outlets. Fan studies academics have even researched fanfictions as a vehicle for sexual socialization, education, and discourse. 

Ashley Hedrick¹ , a Roy H. Park doctoral fellow at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, has researched the Directioner community and fanfiction. She interviewed fanfic writers about their experiences with sexuality and community for a study she is currently working on.

“There's a lot of value that people find in participating in the One Direction fanfiction community. My interviewees talked about how it helped them feel like they didn't need to be ashamed for being curious about sex or romantic relationships, and that it was a really beneficial community where they made lifelong friends across the world and developed confidence in their writing,” she said in a phone interview.

Erotic fanfiction can often provide a safe space for marginalized communities to get off. Authors can create protagonists who act or look like themselves into sexy scenarios featuring their biggest idols, a form of representation that isn’t always available to everyone. Additionally, unlike a lot of mainstream porn, there is a clear understanding that the characters engaging in sex in the story aren’t being exploited, because ultimately they aren’t real. While there are plenty of ethical, feminist, and female-directed options out there, a lot of porn is still produced through the male gaze, which can be alienating for women. 

Popular fanfic in the 1D community was also primarily written for young women by young women, which made it more accessible to pubescent girls exploring their sexualities for the first time.

“This was more approachable because I was definitely like a kid who was very afraid of sexuality,” said Ava, 21-year-old former Directioner, “If you showed me an actual like porn video when I was 14, I probably would have cried because it was so jarring to me. But like reading it felt more attainable. Also I was like, this is also written by a 15-year-old girl who doesn't know what's going on.”

This is not to say that 1D erotic fanfic is not without its flaws. For instance, take Anna Todd’s After series. It was wildly popular, with over 622 million reads on Wattpad. The trilogy was adapted into novels and is currently being made into a movie franchise. It is an icon in the One Direction fanfiction community, but its depictions of sex and relationships — including scenes where an alternate universe (AU) Harry Styles punches walls and emotionally manipulates Tessa, the protagonist — aren’t necessarily the most healthy. 

Hedrick wrote another paper, which is currently under review for an academic journal,² highlighting the complex depictions of sex, romance, and consent featured in some of the most popular stories on Wattpad. Many of those stories reinforced ideas of male dominance in relationships. Hedrick asked her interviewees about these subjects, and some said that the prevalence of these behaviors in fanfictions made them seem normal.

“A number of people talked about how it helped them kind of formulate some more toxic views about what a romantic relationship should be like, with the expectation that men should be sexually aggressive and other kinds of negative themes along those lines,” said Hedrick over the phone, “That was not everyone who I talked to, just a chunk of people felt that way, but I think it's important nonetheless.” 

Meghan also reflected on the problematic themes that would show up in some 1D fanfics.

“I think it showed fucked up things about what girls are taught love is if so many of them are writing about extremely toxic relationships in these fanfictions,” said Meghan, “And most of them were teenage girls who probably had never even held hands with a boy. I think it probably shows that they had a fucked up perception of what a guy was actually like versus what they were taught.” 

Still, the One Direction fanfic community has served as an integral part of the formation and acceptance of many young women’s sexualities, during a period of time (puberty!!) when hormones were raging and it was all very very confusing. Hedrick said that her interviewees made close friends that they were able to talk to about sex and romance, which was not something that every girl could do with their friends irl.

“It was a strong community, especially because it was a great outlet for girls to gather and not feel ashamed,” she said.

¹ Hedrick is now an assistant professor of health communication at Clemson University
² Hedrick’s paper was published in 2023

Every Monday letter gets a playlist. We have a 1D playlist for a 1D newsletter. Here are some of my favorite songs from each album plus three picks given to me by Niall Horan himself in 2023.

In this week’s playlist (all by One Direction):

• More Than This

• Magic

• Diana

• Change Your Ticket

• What a Feeling

• Story of My Life

• Drag Me Down

• Night Changes

Other things I want to share with you.

• “Bye Sister” turned 6 this weekend and James Charles was defending himself once again from new controversy. Some things never change. I can’t help but think that the drama economy has become toothless in the past six years. The coverage of every single interpersonal issue influencers have — big or small — has conflated every transgression as being deserving of equal attention. The latest James Charles drama isn’t even really about him at all, so why are we giving him so much attention? (TL;DR: he is accused of supporting and being cozy with influencer Kayla Malec’s ex-boyfriend Evan Johnson, who just pled guilty to assaulting her. James said he didn’t know what happened when he hung out with Johnson.) There is a lot to criticize James Charles about, but this specific criticism toward him is pulling focus from the important matter at hand: Malec surviving domestic abuse and her abuser going to jail.

• JADE, my Little Mix bias and solo pop star on the rise, is finally teasing her new album.

• The SNL departure rumors are starting. Time for new Weekend Update hosts?